#we'refucked

Look Ma, I'm an influencer!

In other news, I am seriously alarmed by the astonishing capabilities that have thrust AI chatbots into the zeitgeist lately. If art - the supposedly unassailable bastion of human je ne sais quoi - is already falling to the likes of DALL-E, then how long until the bots come for my cheeky tales of adventure? How many more years will thoughtful commentary and tasteless dick jokes (which mesh surprisingly well) remain the sovereign dominion of humankind? What will anything mean when your toaster is a thespian?

These are not empty questions. I asked chatGPT to “write a limerick mocking the notion that toasters will eventually write poetry better than humans” to which it responded:

There once was a toaster so bright

It could write poetry with all its might

But alas, it was shocked

When it's words were mocked

For its rhymes were as weak as shite

All I did was spice up the final word. Terrifying, and gravely ironic, I think. This could have so many layers.

But perhaps the commoditization of creativity will take a bit longer than I fear. Much like a Hasidic Jew asking Alexa to turn off the lights on Shabat, I have circumvented my repudiation of hashtags by asking chatGPT to generate the following list of “funny, vaguely inappropriate hashtags about Cappadocia.” It's pretty clear that this algorithm is an assbot.

#CappadociaGotBack

#CappadociaSass

#CappadociaFannyPack

#CappadociaBooty

#CappadociaNipSlip

#CappadociaButts

#CappadociaBuns

#CappadociaDerriere

#CappadociaRearView

#CappadociaCheeks

#CappadociaTush

#CappadociaRump

#CappadociaThong

#CappadociaBum

#CappadociaHiney

#CappadociaRearEnd

#CappadociaBackside

#CappadociaTushy

#CappadociaBootylicious

#CappadociaButtCheeks

#CappadociaBareBottom

#CappadociaFanny

#CappadociaPosterior

#CappadociaHineyhole

#CappadociaButtcrack

#CappadociaButtocks

#CappadociaBackend

#CappadociaTailpiece

#CappadociaTail

#CappadociaAss